Saturday nights.

Plotting My Turn To Hurt You on a Saturday evening/night and drinking coffee. I’m already in my sweat pants.

I am ready to write.

The Truth Behind My Pen Name

Hope Carter.

The name popped up in my head nearly two years ago. I am no way a religious person. I won’t preach God to anyone, but I am a spiritualist. I don’t believe in coincidences.

I started seeing the name Hope everywhere. In my emails. On television. On Pinterest and Facebook.

I remember thinking, “Why this name? Why should I use a pen name?”

Here’s the context behind my decision to use a pen name: I wanted to do something for myself that made me happy. 

It’s a pretty well known fact that you will achieve your goals if you keep your goals to yourself. I knew that if I announced one day over the dinner table that I decided to pursue my goals of becoming a self-published author that it would be met with a good degree of skepticism and criticism.

“We can NOT afford for you to just follow a dream like this.”

“You can’t make a living off that dream. Just drop the idea and get a job like mine where it’s 8-5.”

Don’t get me wrong. I love the people who surround me, but my career as a freelance writer has always been placed on the back burner because a clean house, taking care of a child, and running errands were more important. I was never allowed to let my career flourish the way I wanted it too because I was the glue keeping everything together when life turned upside down.  Something that I will write about later in a separate post.

I had to be a mother first and foremost. I had to be in the kitchen. I had to clean the house and do the laundry. I had to be the one who took care of the mundane every day type of things while being the supportive girlfriend.

Bottom line. It’s damn hard to write when you don’t feel supported.

My daughter is obviously first priority in my life, but it occurred to me recently that I have spent the past six years of my life trying to support everyone else’s goals and careers.

Why not me this time around?

It was time to do something for myself.

I wanted the privacy and freedom to pursue my writing career under a different name. I didn’t want to do it under the shadow of judgement of those around me because writing is intimate. It’s personal.

And I am going to be writing about personal things that are ongoing in my life. The struggle of dealing with a recovering alcoholic. Trying to grieve a close friend’s suicide. Shouldering a father’s terminal cancer diagnosis.

Things that hurt like hell no matter how hard you try to detach from.

With love,

H.C

The struggle is real.

I started writing My Turn To Hurt You this morning. Only 300 words into the first chapter, and I’m already doubting myself. Is this good? Will anyone actually care about the characters and story?

When it comes to being a ghost writer, it’s easy to take a plot and characters and dive right in. I can pump out a 80k novel in three weeks or less. So, what the hell is so different about writing for myself?

Writing has always been an intimate process for me. Whatever I’m struggling with at that particular moment in my life will pop up in a story in one form or another.

I started this blog because I wanted to share my struggles and goals with other authors who are like me– just now finding the courage to write for themselves. The struggle to get past your own insecurities and doubts is real.

So, here’s my plan to get through it.

Just write the damn story.